[Magicians only] A seriously funny parody from a friend
http://www.magicden.co.uk/magicblog.php
"Nearly 400 years ago, I invented a trick called the "Transpervert Trick". This was a long time before Hugard republished my idea under the title "Gambler Versus Magician' in the 1940's, so no need to mention his name or give him any credit (heaven forbid!).
I withheld the word 'Ultimate' from the title as at that time my ego didn't cause massive damage to doorframes as I walked from room to room. These days my cranium is so big NASA keeps sending out emergency meteor strike specialists to my home where the gamblers are real and the bottom deals leave friction burns on your ring piece! Ah happy days, happy days...
I was most fortunate while I was inventing this trick, as my original method required eighteen dead cull riffle stacks and two hundred and seventeen estimation centre deals. You had to do several cold deck switches to keep the deals going but it was done on the off beat while I flexed my neck muscles at the ladies so no one ever spotted them. Oh sure, they spotted the deck switches but no one ever saw the ladies as my neck muscles always got in the way! Anyway, as economical as this handling was, my good friend Honest I.M.A Gambler helped a little bit and removed some of the harder 'real work' from my invention. After the trick that I INVENTED was published, many magicians had a go at refining the already economical handling that I INVENTED. As we all know, there's nothing a magician likes better than to take an already economical trick and make it less so by making it harder to do!
As Dick Kaufman always says, 'sleights make tricks good!' Which must mean my tricks are [the] shit! As a result of this my head and ego just grew and grew, thank god for the big neck muscles that's all I can say! Over the next four centuries I began to play about with my INVENTION in an attempt to make the trick more economical by adding more deck switches and a Greek deal. I INVENTED Over ten thousand variations. One made it into my excellent book 'Buck Rogers Card Magic' while the other nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine were discarded. Then, only two years later, I came up with the 'ULTIMATE Transpervert Trick'. The construction of this new routine is quite different from the original, in that in addition to placing the word 'ultimate' at the start I have also removed the part of the trick which made it worth doing! For one thing, there are now no deck switches, centre deals, Greek deals, second deals, riffle stacking and no need for a kitchen sink (also required in the original routine). More importantly the magician only uses his own two hands, as a result the routine can now be performed by you lesser mortal, not endowed with my neck muscles and ten extra hands.
Because I had no hand in creating this myself, I showed it to many respected card-men including Bli Aongo, Gaul Pordon, Tom Jones, My Aunt Betty, the beard of Eugene Burglar and Bruce Cervon's Teeth. They were all hugely generous in their praise (please, no sarcasm, I'm American!) and comments. I say this, not because it adds anything to your understanding of the effect, but to further inflate my ego and at the same time dodging any future criticism you may have regarding MY INVENTION!!
Set-Up: In addition to your pack of cards you will also need to place a large amount of fecal matter onto a fine dining plate.
To perform: Place the place on the centre of the table and remove the ace of spades from the deck. You can do this invisibly if you like; you have plenty visual misdirection at your disposable. Use the ace to flip the plate over simultaneously exchanging the fecal matter from the ace as you do so. With the ace now on the plate, quickly smear the fecal mater over your face, flex your neck muscles and scream, "I am the ultimate transpervert" at the top of your voice. Sit quietly and wait for the audience to leave. If you like, you can now perform Jean Hugards 'Gambler Versus Magician' published in 1947 to wile away the time as you wait for the men in white coats."
"Nearly 400 years ago, I invented a trick called the "Transpervert Trick". This was a long time before Hugard republished my idea under the title "Gambler Versus Magician' in the 1940's, so no need to mention his name or give him any credit (heaven forbid!).
I withheld the word 'Ultimate' from the title as at that time my ego didn't cause massive damage to doorframes as I walked from room to room. These days my cranium is so big NASA keeps sending out emergency meteor strike specialists to my home where the gamblers are real and the bottom deals leave friction burns on your ring piece! Ah happy days, happy days...
I was most fortunate while I was inventing this trick, as my original method required eighteen dead cull riffle stacks and two hundred and seventeen estimation centre deals. You had to do several cold deck switches to keep the deals going but it was done on the off beat while I flexed my neck muscles at the ladies so no one ever spotted them. Oh sure, they spotted the deck switches but no one ever saw the ladies as my neck muscles always got in the way! Anyway, as economical as this handling was, my good friend Honest I.M.A Gambler helped a little bit and removed some of the harder 'real work' from my invention. After the trick that I INVENTED was published, many magicians had a go at refining the already economical handling that I INVENTED. As we all know, there's nothing a magician likes better than to take an already economical trick and make it less so by making it harder to do!
As Dick Kaufman always says, 'sleights make tricks good!' Which must mean my tricks are [the] shit! As a result of this my head and ego just grew and grew, thank god for the big neck muscles that's all I can say! Over the next four centuries I began to play about with my INVENTION in an attempt to make the trick more economical by adding more deck switches and a Greek deal. I INVENTED Over ten thousand variations. One made it into my excellent book 'Buck Rogers Card Magic' while the other nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine were discarded. Then, only two years later, I came up with the 'ULTIMATE Transpervert Trick'. The construction of this new routine is quite different from the original, in that in addition to placing the word 'ultimate' at the start I have also removed the part of the trick which made it worth doing! For one thing, there are now no deck switches, centre deals, Greek deals, second deals, riffle stacking and no need for a kitchen sink (also required in the original routine). More importantly the magician only uses his own two hands, as a result the routine can now be performed by you lesser mortal, not endowed with my neck muscles and ten extra hands.
Because I had no hand in creating this myself, I showed it to many respected card-men including Bli Aongo, Gaul Pordon, Tom Jones, My Aunt Betty, the beard of Eugene Burglar and Bruce Cervon's Teeth. They were all hugely generous in their praise (please, no sarcasm, I'm American!) and comments. I say this, not because it adds anything to your understanding of the effect, but to further inflate my ego and at the same time dodging any future criticism you may have regarding MY INVENTION!!
Set-Up: In addition to your pack of cards you will also need to place a large amount of fecal matter onto a fine dining plate.
To perform: Place the place on the centre of the table and remove the ace of spades from the deck. You can do this invisibly if you like; you have plenty visual misdirection at your disposable. Use the ace to flip the plate over simultaneously exchanging the fecal matter from the ace as you do so. With the ace now on the plate, quickly smear the fecal mater over your face, flex your neck muscles and scream, "I am the ultimate transpervert" at the top of your voice. Sit quietly and wait for the audience to leave. If you like, you can now perform Jean Hugards 'Gambler Versus Magician' published in 1947 to wile away the time as you wait for the men in white coats."
posted by Zenneth | 12:11 am
6 Comments:
看完這篇文章應該要抱著肚子在地上打滾，而我竟然沒有。我的英文真是不行了．．:-(
Because it was written by a native english user in a very pretentious yet westernized manner, it's not easy for both of us to fully appreciate humor and metaphor...=)
嗯，看是看得懂（擺著字典在旁邊猛查），但等查完、看懂之後，那種“笑點”的衝擊就減弱很多了，所以我說我的英文不行。至於他惡搞的部份真的很絕，有機會我也想來弄一篇。
（不過有些話我可能說不出口，例如開頭的那段．．神啊．．原諒我．．XD）
My friend's parody was written to make fun out of an awful tendency among contemporary magicians of being more unethical with publication and less generous with crediting. I think, he is getting more and more famous for his boldness and insistence when it comes to criticising unethical and unjustice issues in magic industry.
As for writing/publishing a similar post in chinese magic community, huuum, not sure about Taiwan, but definitely not in Hong Kong forums. Many old guards in HK magic industry are very narrow minded and pay no respect to the spirit of freedom of speech(see War of Words), I guess it's probably not a good idea to post something like this in Chinese magic community,unless you are mentally prepared to face enumerous hostile attacks and challenges.
While I don't care much about controversy, but I am bothered to waste my time talking with them.
我在你的文字裡看到不少怨氣呢。
我讀了「War of Words」，也讀了「I Don't Want To Be a Magician」，我想我可以多少體會一些你的感受。玩魔術是快樂的，但任何東西一牽扯到金錢、權力、地位、政治．．的時候，很多令人喪氣的事情就會跑出來。
Like I said, while politics is everywhere and you will have to deal with it regardless whether you personally want to or not, I think my effort will be more worthwhile if it is being used in areas where I see it's justification, however unfortunately, magic so happen is not one of them, for me, at the least...
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